The Tom Brigade

Over the course of time, we at The Tom Wars will select historical and contemporary beings, who we’ve deemed eligible for enrollment into the “Tom Brigade.” After periods of coon training, and years of tomming, The Tom Wars have deemed these individuals eligible for positions in the Tom Brigade. Over time, you will see new members inducted into the Tom Brigade, and assigned a rank to go along with their induction. Today, we’ll be selecting one world famous tom (or Tomasina in this case), and a Tom who is a little less known, but his tomming is responsible for the deaths of eleven black people, and almost an entire city block (which ironically, or not so ironically, is located in a black neighborhood).

Robin Quivers
(Awarded rank of 2nd Lieutenant)

Widely known as a sidekick, and virtual organ grinder monkey, Quivers made a name for herself by being the constant laugh, and agreeing voice in the background of the Howard Stern show. Over the years, Stern along with his fellow cast members, and call in guests have made countless racist jokes including:

What’s the difference between a hardworking black guy, & bigfoot?
Someday we may see bigfoot!

What do black people and apples have in common?
They both look best hanging from a tree!

While these racist jokes are being spewed over the air, Quivers sits back and emits her patented laugh, all the while giving Stern, his cast members, and Sirius Radio the plausible deniability they need to escape criticism. One begs the question, if Quivers rode shotgun for Imus, would he still be working for MSNBC since she surely would’ve agreed with his “nappy headed hoes” comment, and supplied her “yezza massah” laugh to support it?

W. Wilson Goode
(Awarded the rank of Colonel)

Once upon a time, a bomb was dropped on an American home by a police helicopter which hovered above. The explosives incinerated the house, along with 60 other homes, all the while killing six black adults, and five black children. The corpses of the children were found huddled together in the basement of the house burnt beyond recognition. The fire that ensued, burned for 45 minutes, and left hundreds of black people homeless while a white police commissioner, and fire commissioner looked on.

This sounds like a story that could’ve taken place during the civil rights movement in Selma, or Birmingham, perpetrated by members of the KKK or some random redneck suffering from a wicked case of Napoleon’s complex and erectile dysfunction. Nay! This heinous act took place on May 13th, 1985 in Philadelphia. The man responsible for it, the black Mayor of Philadelphia named W. Wilson Goode. Goode should’ve won a Tony for his portrayal of Pinocchio as police Commissioner Gregor “Geppetto” Sambore pulled his strings and convinced this nutty Negro that paramilitary tactics were needed to get rid of the MOVE members, a “radical” (radical in the sense that Eurocentric minded people, don’t want you to organize and talk badly about American history, and the American system) pro-black organization who occupied the house. In an act to “save lives,” Sambore and his troops armed with M-16, M-50, and M-60 assault rifles, concussion grenades, and explosives, fired over 10,000 ammunition rounds into the house prior to the bombing. Goode, perched in front of his television watched the carnage unfold. Later Goode would apologize for the “gross negligence” that occurred that Spring day, then told reporters:

“You don’t go back and cry over spilled milk. We are all very big people and we have to understand that sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. And we we lose, we stand up and say we lost and move on.”

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2 Responses to “The Tom Brigade”

  1. TomTomClub Says:

    First!

  2. just wanted to say this is a really unique page on the net. I appreciate the insight you guys are bringing forth…at least we know that things didn’t slide by unnoticed afterall.

    good read

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