Archive for June, 2008

Bros over Hoes?

Posted in Uncategorized on June 22, 2008 by tomwars

Homo Thugs?

Friday night I found myself in the middle of a Boondocks episode (for those who don’t know what The Boondocks is, it’s a satirical cartoon played on Adult Swim. I suggest you go buy Seasons 1 & 2 ASAP). There’s an episode in Season 2 starring a homo-thug rapper named Gangstalicious. Initially I found the episode hilarious, witty, and thought provoking. Now I find the truth behind it disturbing.

Why are grown men… In the club… Dancing with each other… While women stand around waiting for someone to dance with. First, let us be clear. We’re not talking about being on the dancefoor with your friends and bobbing your head or two stepping to the music. We’re talking about grown men in the club jumping around on each other, grabbing each other by the head, shoulders, arm, torso, whatever the case may be, and getting crunk, hyphy or whatever you want to call it while women sit frustrated on the sideline.

I made the mistake of going to a club this weekend. A friend had a birthday party at a local club and I went to support and have a couple drinks. When I got there I was dumbfounded. Flabbergasted. Appalled! There were beautiful sistas lined up all around the walls in form fitting dresses, short shorts, and stilettos by themselves. At first glance I assumed these were the “I’m too cute to dance” sistas since they weren’t on the dance floor. To my utter disgust, they weren’t on the dance floor because the “men” took over the floor getting crunk with each other. As I walked to the dance floor with a sister, we could barely two step since hordes of negroes decked in the latest outpatient prison wear jumped around the dance floor. There is somethingBros over Hoes shirt blatantly homo-erotic about men bumping into each other, grabbing each other, and throwing each other around rhythmically to a Plies song. Perhaps this is a byproduct of the prison culture. Or perhaps these “thugs” are so deep in the closet they’re in Narnia. Either way, it seems the most homophobic thugged out brothers are doing everything possible to let the world know they’re actually gay. Is it not extremely homo-erotic to wear a “Bros over Hoes” shirt with Dickies pants while hugging the block with your hard steel gun tucked into the small of your back getting money over bitches (ironically, most of these idiots want money so they can get women. Let’s review shall we: Dumbass #1 wants money so he can buy some ice [before a house mind you], so he can impress some women, so he can take them to his expensive car that he bought to impress them, then back to his mama basement )?

Then there’s the flip side of the coin. The brothers who come to the club to challenge other brothers in dancing. Let me make this clear:

DO NOT, under ANY circumstance, walk up to me and start popping and locking!!!

I do not want to challenge you. I realize R&B guys in fitted hats, braids, and petite dainty extra small tank tops that are still somehow baggy on them make it seem cool to try to serve some suckas on the dance floor, but don’t walk up to me with it. I most definitely do not have an icebox where my heart use to be, and I don’t want to see you run it, run it. I’d much prefer the company of a beautiful intelligent woman than to have some nutty Negro gyrating in front of me to the latest Baltimore club song, or DJ Khaled track (-SIDENOTE- Will someone please, PLEASE shut DJ Khaled the hell up. You seriously have to be in the game for more than a year and have way more accomplishments under your belt to call yourself the best. Quincy Jones can say he’s the best. Primo can say he’s the best. Hell, if Neptunes or Kanye want to say it, at least they can make an argument. You, DJ Khaled won’t be around this time next year so you have the shut the hell up). If you’re having a discussion with a beautiful Queen, and leave her to challenge another man in rhythmic hip movements, that’s a tad suspect. Hell, even suburban white kids challenging each other in dance dance revolution are cooler than you. At least they’re not gazing into each others eyes or trying to wipe imaginary dirt off the other person’s shoulders.

The good news is, there are plenty of available women in the club anxiously waiting for a man who’s not consumed with the movements of another man to walk up to her and ask her to dance. Not that it was difficult before, but getting a woman in the club is now like shooting fish in a barrel. The bad news is, if you try to dance with her, you’ll more than likely wind up inadvertently dancing with another man since he’ll be all over the floor prancing about.

I’ve heard the argument that during the 80s, brothers constantly challenged each other on the dance floor. If I were you, I probably wouldn’t use the 80s as an example of NOT being suspect.


Don’t Be A Hater: Censorship In The Black Community

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on June 19, 2008 by tomwars

I was at the salon the other day getting my lock redone when the question of a certain New Orleans rapper came up. I was asked my opinion on the person and I declined to answer based on the fact that it’s a well documented fact this individual is not only retarded monkey but hasn’t written enough of his own material for me to take serious. This seemed to focus all attention in the room on me as I was asked “who did this person have write for them?” I listed off a few known contributors:Gillie

“Started with Juvenile……..lately it’s been Gillie the Kid”.

(there will be more analysis of this unnamed “emcee” at a later date)

I was immediately branded a hater and asked who I did like. I reminded the room that my opinion was asked for and not forced therefore if they didn’t like it they should not have asked. However it started to occur to me. Being a hater has been transformed. Any questioning or critical analysis of status quo in our community is labeled as being a hater.

I am from Oakland, the place that brought you The Mack and Too Short. The term hater was born from our kinfolk in their proper use of the term “player hater,” meaning one who leverages their game to hate on a said player. This can take many forms such as telling the baby momma who else you are fucking, telling a weed connect not to sell to someone, refusing to let someone into your party or even at its most perverse, reporting some one to the police. These are active actions that take steps to prevent another person’s progression. Player hating while mostly frowned upon was a recognized strategy to get what you want. However as the term progressed it was shortened to Haters to signify those who disrupt progress for the sake of disruption. Again, the term was used to associate with an active step such as stealing parking spots, fucking your enemy’s girlfriend, or telling people not to eat at a restaurant.

Haters are active. Hating takes food out of mouths. Hating requires opportunity, motive and process. This is what the justice system calls motis operandi.

Nowadays, it seems any time I disagree, it’s assumed hatred. In fact, any time anyone disagrees it is called hatred. This trend is continued in every aspect of black life from upper class, to the trenches of poverty. Any criticism of something another black person supports is hatred. The best part of it the effect it has on younger generations. Historically, fear has always been the worst set of motivations. Teachers continue to write referrals to kids and wonder why it doesn’t do shit. Fear of getting your child taken by social services has kept parents from whooping an ass and opted for the “time out” strategy instead. Instead, all they have to do is tell their child not to be a hater and the behavior will magically change. In fact, we recently polled teenagers at schools across the nation only to find out that 98% would rather be raped by a three dicked llamaBush bitching than be called a hater. Hatred is the single most motivating factor in America today. In an era of terror where the US government has used fear to drive the economy, inspire wars and get people to believe that gay marriage is a bigger debate than tax breaks for the rich, fear has become the currency of the weak minded. Imagine what our failing schools and struggling parents could do to change the social climate if only they would call their children haters. In fact, if we all take it a step further, we’d realize how much of our day we don’t speak our mind for fear of hating.

Creflo's MissionAt the end of the day, I’m critic, a thinker and someone who doesn’t take things at face value. I read a lot, I argue, I discuss and I ultimately form my own opinions. I think Lil Wayne is gay and I refuse to send Creflo Dollar a red cent. I am ultimately a hater. I accept my hatred and walk on. However, I challenge you all not to settle your own opinion for some catch phrase that seems to be appropriated and spit back just to attempt to make us all dumber. Ultimately, hating is not censorship, but fear of being one is. On behalf of all of us here at TomWars News, thank you and god bless America.

-Billion O’Really

Did you know if you ask for napkins with your slice of pizza at 2am and the Palestinian owner has been listening to 50……….you might be a hater. Napkins and extra cheese add .04 cents to their cost; you hater.

To Pee or Not To Pee…That Is the Question

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on June 18, 2008 by EyanJ

r kelly

vs   r kelly 2

The Pied Piper was recently acquitted of all charges of child pornography in a Chicago court. By a jury of this fool’s peers. *blink* R Kelly’s peers. His PEERS! What are the odds of finding TWELVE golden shower delivering, ass eating, zorro mask wearing, pre-18 year old girl touching thirty something year old black men for a trial of this magnitude? Imagine my shock when they produced said peers for this trial. AND they found this man not guilty. You know who’s to blame for this, right? WHITE AMERICA!  Your justice system has failed you yet again, pink toes. Get it tight, get it right.

Every time I think about this, I get heated. I might be back later to expound on my feelings..but right now, I want to slap someone.

PS- I wonder if he had Ignition or that Zoo Sex song playing when he left the court room.

Honorary Tom(assina) – Michelle Malkin

Posted in Honorary Tom, Malkin, racism, Uncle Tom, xenophobia with tags , , , , on June 16, 2008 by tomwars

She hate you long time!

Is there a term Asians use that is similar to Uncle Tom. Whatever that term is, brand it on Michelle Malkin’s forehead. Malkin is a conservative mouthpiece for right wing radio and former guest host for Bill O’Reilly on the Fox Noise Channel. Recently, Malkin called Michelle Obama (Homer Simpson drool) Barack’s “Baby Mama.” Nevermind the term is normally reserved for unwed mothers, and has condescending and misogynistic undertones.

Michelle Maglalang (as she was known before she became Caucasian by injection by being baby mama to a white man) was born to Filipino immigrant parents in 1970. She lives a nice cushy white life with her 2 children who are taken care of by her Jewish baby dadd

y in Montgomery County Maryland while she prances about trying to outdo Ann Coulter. Malkin pretends to be the foremost authority on race issues in America, yet obviously struggles with her own ethnic identity (if you told her she was a minority she’d ask you not to point out her affliction like Uncle Ruckus). The majority of her articles are centered around racial issues involving blacks, Asians, and Latinos, and she defends her white racist puppet masters with vigor. She’s extremely

passionate about Bill Clinton’s sexual escapes, probably because she secretly fantasizes about whipping out a pair of tweezers and jerking and sucking off GWB. The day a time machine is invented, she’ll be first in line to blow Ronald Reagan. SHE LOVE HIM LONG TIME!

Malkin Gone Wild

Malkin especially gets worked up about immigration issues. She has an amazing knack for relating every immigration issue to 9/11. Mexicans crossing the border? 9/11! Her nipples get especially hard when discussing Islam as she considers all Muslims responsible for 9/11 (ironically, Islam is the second largest religious affiliation in her parents native Philippines).

One of my favorite quotes from Malkin is, “It’s time that we give immigrants to this country a swift kick to the seats of their pants and show them the exit door.” I agree. Let’s start with your parents. And since they should have never been here in the first place (according to her logic), Michelle, you must GTFO as well.

The people’s project website puts it best:

Michelle Malkin is indeed a pathological racist who doesn’t seem to know her own color. Surely many white supremacist and right-wing groups have use for her outside appearance, although her inside is filled with hatred and racism. Some have suggested her husband has been somewhat of an influence with the anti-Arab sentiments plus mad support for the so-called “War on Terror” being a constant thread (Jesse Malkin works for the RAND Corporation, which has been called out as war profiteers). Like Black sellout racists like Ezola Foster and Star Parker, the white supremacist groups have found a sellout to recruit to the Asian community and to spread their racism, and that is Michelle Malkin.

Malkin wrote a book entitled, In Defense of Internment, The Case for “Racial Profiling” where she (wait, do I really need to describe this book? She does a brilliant job of making it self explanatory so her idiot racist followers can comprehend). Malkin is also a member of the racist organization VDARE who the Southern Poverty Law Center deemed a “hate group.”

We salute you Miss Malkin. You’re the Asian female Clayton Bigsby. It’ll be interesting to see her divorce her husband when she finds out he’s a gook lover.


Posted in bitchniggadry, niggadry, snitching on June 14, 2008 by tomwars

“Give it here, and don’t say nothing . . .”
– The Roots

Hush Black America. If someone breaks into your house, steals everything including your baby’s shoes, your wife’s last box of tampons, and your secret stash of Jane Kennedy photos, just accept it. Chalk up another one for the bad guys because you’re tied to a new philosophy. (cue music) DA DA DA DUNNNN, NO SNITCHING! Apparently that’s the new mantra for black America. When someone robs you, just accept it. Shoots you? Just bite the bullet. Smacks around your mom? Just comfort her. But for God’s sake, don’t tell anyone!

How and when did the no snitching code go into effect for non criminals. When were average citizens initiated into this lifestyle? It seems to me that most people who are told not to snitch reap no rewards from their inaction. Tomwars has decided to dive deeper into the culture of No Snitching. In order to be successful in this endeavor, it is absolutely vital that we nail down an appropriate definition for the term “snitching.” If we plan to dissect it, we must define it. Tomwars consultant Minister Rufus Chakakhan offers his input on the word “snitching” and it’s ramifications.

“Snitching is the hallmark of bitchniggadry. I define it as the action of seeking the favor or protection of an authority figure via running off at the mouth to said authority figure about actions that may or may not cause personal loss or injury.”

If Minister Chakakhan’s definition is accurate, does this mean the No Snitching culture has (d)evolved into something different than it’s original meaning? Has the word “snitching” been hijacked? Similarly to Minister Chakakhan, it was always my understanding that “snitching” only occurs when two or more individuals decide to do criminal act with each other and get caught. When one or more of those aforementioned individuals rats to the cops for a lighter sentence, THAT’S snitching. Was I mistaken? I seriously thought there was a difference between “snitching” and “telling/tattling.” To dive deeper into the conversation, I decided to contact Urban Sociologist Haywood Jablome for his expert advice:

“Can you imagine a bunch of 6’2 220lb thugs from Gary Indiana rolling up on an old lady who complained to the police about noise volume saying ‘yo, why you tattle on me you old bitch.'” The words “snitch” and “snitching” have been hijacked and morphed into something that fits the criminal agenda. Since niggadry has become so prevalent in our society, the snitching culture now includes old ladies who call the cops. Oddly enough, these same thugs can’t wait to “snitch” on the white man when he keeps them down.”

According to Mr. Jablome, there is indeed a difference between what criminals do, and what John Q. Citizen does with regards to “telling,” and snitching:

“If an 80 year old woman calls the police because your ignorant ass won’t get off her front steps, that’s her right, it’s not snitching. She’s too old to kick you in your monkey ass, so she needs someone else to extract you and your ignorant ilk from her property. She’s paid taxes all of her life, and wants a little peace and quiet. You can’t make her live by a street code since she doesn’t exist in, or profit from it. This form of ‘telling’ isn’t snitching.”

In the black community, crime is a touchy subject. Some people live by the code of No Snitching for personal reasons. As Mr. Jablome explains, it’s hard running to authorities sometimes:

“To the average citizen, telling what you’ve seen about criminals to the police is like telling on criminals to criminals. Police don’t snitch on themselves so why would anyone trust them. They don’t tell on the criminals within their ranks yet expect citizens to tell. The boys in blue have their own No Snitching philosophy so they can’t very well expect the average citizen to tell. It becomes a very uncomfortable situation for average man since he is immersed in a ‘Shut the f*ck up’ society.”

Frustrations are mounting however. With the economy down, crime is up. The price of gas is through the roof, and people are trying to hold on to every thing they have. When ignorant niggas, wiggas, chiggas, and puerto riggas make your life harder, the blood begins to boil. Dr. Skeetbone Jones, Tomwars consultant, eloquently describes this phenomena:

“First and foremost, I would like to extend my most heartfelt thanks for the opportunity to speak on this subject which is so dear to my heart.

I can honestly say that NIGGAS make me sick with this stop snitching campaign. Do you KNOW why cops hate you? As repeat offenders, the cops get tired of arresting your black ass for the same shit…or the SUSPICION of the same shit every week. You tired of concerned parents “snitching” on you because they don’t want their children seeing you hustling and robbing? Then stop committing said acts of coonery and you won’t have to worry about it. And for God’s sake, read a dictionary.”

Dr. Jones’ frustration isn’t isolate to a region or age group. It seems that every week a child is caught in the cross fire of a drug shoot out. It’s gut wrenching to see families on TV crying for their lost daughter whose crime was nothing more than jumping double dutch outside with her friends. The super coons who committed the crime escaped on foot or in the latest nigga-approved automobile (Pontiac Bonneville with air vents on the side, Mercury Grand Marquis with 22 inch rims, Chevy Lumina tinted with a shitty transmission but new speakers). With make shift memorials of balloons, teddy bears and candles in the background, the family of the little girl are shown distraught on the evening news program seeking information about the suspect so that they can have solice and closure. The news segment always ends with “If you have any information, please contact your local police or call the citizens tip line at XXX-XXX-XXXX. You do not have to leave your name.” The same folks who normally wear “Stop Snitching” T-shirts around the neighborhood are in the background of the news segment weeping for their lost niece or cousin (minus the Stop Snitching T-shirt). The code goes out the window once they’re directly affected by a horrendous crime. If they were true believers of the “No Snitching” code as it exists now, the news segment would look something like this:

News Reporter: We’re here live at the memorial for 9 year old Kenyetta McCoy who was viciously gunned down as she and her friends played in front of her house. Her Uncle, Shamar McCoy is here to make a plea to the public.
(camera pans to make shift memorial with 20 family members in the background)
Shamar: We are here today to make a plea to the people who shot our little Kenyetta. *tear drops. not on a gay vibe, but on a 2Pac or 50 Cent thugs cry too moment* Please, don’t turn yourself into the police. Please don’t snitch on yourself. Snitches are bitches. You’ve already shot her, and we can’t bring her back. Don’t turn yourself in to the white man. And to our fellow citizens, if you have any information on the whereabouts of these suspects, please keep that shit to yourself. Don’t even think about snitching. That shit aint right! In Gods name we pray, Amen Halleludicrus!

To quote the hood prophet Kat Williams, “never in the history of niggadom” will you see this play out. Hence, we must assume that the No Snitching code only applies when it’s convenient.

In conclusion, we’ve come up with a snitching checklist to know if someone is in fact snitching. This way, there can be no confusion.

Testifying against your friend after committing a burglary with him? Snitching!
Person who had his electricity turned off since you robbed him of his bill money? Not Snitching!
Testifying against an R&B singer who peed on a 14 year old girl? Not Snitching!
Holding the camera while R&B singer pees on 14 year old girl? Snitching!
Plea with the D.A. for a lesser sentence & testifying against your cohorts? Snitching!
Old lady calling the cops on your ignorant ass b/c you don’t have home training? Not Snitching!
Old lady being the mastermind behind the crime THEN snitching? Snitching!

Running dog fighting ring with NFL Quarterback then testifying against him? Snitching!
Calling cops when your dog stolen out of your backyard to spar with dogs? Not Snitching!

You involved in the crime and testifying = snitching
You victim of the crime and testifying = not snitching

As a followup, the writer of this article was threatened with bodily harm by a gang of shiftless niggas from Milwaukee and a faction of California Chicaniggas via email after this article was published. Apparently, writing this article was an act of snitching on the definition of snitching and those who’ve abused it. Consequently, since violent niggas scare the bejesus out of me, this article may be taken down in the near future.