Archive for August, 2008

Dear Republican Party…

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 29, 2008 by EyanJ

Sarah Palin? REALLY? She’s everything you hate about Senator Obama AND a woman. Kinda sexy though. As of 2:32pm today, THIS is my favorite Sarah Palin site:

The US is officially the Cheddar Bob of world politics. Other countries are reading Rueters like “this is why we never invite them to parties.”


the DNC

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on August 28, 2008 by EyanJ

I didn’t have time to watch much, but I saw Michelle’s speech. She’s a real crowd mover, that lady. I also didn’t know that her brother was a bodyguard for Suge Knight. Negro is fucking HUUUUUUUUUUGE. Readers, give me some highlites cuz i’m not really in the mood to sit on YouTube to watch that shit. Also, fuck Hillary Clinton. Nobody gives a fuck about your goddamn endorsement, ya raggedy ho.

PS- Yes, Barrack Obama really IS a long legged mack daddy. ROFL!

Blurb: Hell no, he won’t go!

Posted in Uncategorized on August 14, 2008 by tomwars

Why is it, that negros get arrested daily for bench warrants on back child support and failing to pay traffic violations, but Karl Rove is not arrested for saying fuck Congress.  Rove was subpoenaed to testify about his role in the matter of the US Attorney firings and the allegations of his interference in the prosecution of former Alabama Governor Don Siegelman.  In late July, Rove was held in contempt of Congress by the House Judiciary Committee.  Not only has he not shown up to testify, he states he won’t!  Why in the blue fuck is he not in handcuffs?  If I plead the 5th about witnessing a donut theft, my black ass would be locked up.  This guy says fuck the law, and fuck Congress, while he sits at home praying to his Richard Nixon statues.  As the noted American Philosopher, Don King, once said, “Only in America!”

August is lookin real shitty already, folks

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 11, 2008 by EyanJ

Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes in the same month? Shoulda took one of them BET Comedy “Allstars” and Soulja Boy Tell Em instead. real rap.

By the way universe, you SERIOUSLY owe us a replacement comedian that finds the funny in brutal truth and a man so musically talented he could make a recording of him scratching his chest hair a thing of greatness.

RIP to Bernard McCoullough and Isaac Hayes. You will definately be missed by the Tom Wars staff.

Here we go AGAIN!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on August 10, 2008 by tomwars

First, they discovered land that people already inhibited. Now they’re discovering animals that locals have already named. In Barbados, locals have always known about the Thread Snake. The four inch snake is as much of Bajan (not Barbadian Yahoo!) culture as Calypso music and jerk chicken (ok, admittedly, I don’t know if they eat jerk chicken, I’m just generalizing all West Indians). However, Penn State University Biologist, S. Blair Hedges, “discovered” the tiny Thread Snake and renamed it Leptotyphlops carlae after his wife Carla when he and his team of researchers found it during their latest whirlwind adventure. Understandably, Bajan citizens have been irate at the bootleg Indiana Jones and his team of merry flunkies who are trying to finish the job Europeans started during the 15th and 16th centuries.

Hedges has countered by stating the first person to do a full description of a species is allowed to give it a scientific name under established scientific practice. Were the Barbados citizens consulted by scientists when this practice came in to play? Or is this just another extension of time honored racist practices designed to empower whites, and make “natives” look helpless. As Damon Corrie, president of the Caribbean Herpetological Society so eloquently stated, “”It gives the impression that people here … depend on people from abroad to come and show us things in our own backyard,” In actuality, the only thing Hedges has shown with his latest research project of the Thread Snake is that he’s a bigger snake than his “discovery.”

Hedges has done research around the globe, “discovering” new tiny species. In Cuba, Hedges “discovered” the world’s smallest Frog. In the Domincan Republic, Hedges “discovered” the world’s smalled lizard. The four inch Thread Snake is Hedges newest conquest. This begs the question, how small exactly is Hedges’ penis that he has to go around the word to find smaller lizards and snakes?

Packed Full of BS

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on August 8, 2008 by tomwars

When Terrell Owens, one of the best WRs to play the game tried to renegotiate his contract with the Philadelphia Eagles, he was called a baby.  When the Eagles decided to deactivate him so that he couldn’t play, the blame was put on him.  Journalist went off on literary rants questioning his upbringing, loyalty, and maturity level.

Chad Johnson of the Cincinnate Bengals threatened to hold out if he wasn’t traded (I mean, c’mon, he’s on the frickin Bengals.  Can you blame him?).  Reporters jumped down his throat, and people waited anxiously at training camp to see if he’d show up.  When he did, a collective “DAMN!” was sighed from the media.  They couldn’t wait to roast another black athlete for his shenanigans.

A few states over, a white quarterback who is damn near eligible for social security decides he wants to come back into the sport after retiring.  His team, the Packers, decide they don’t want him.  They’d prefer he’d honor his retirement so that they may move on with their future.  This QB decides to break league rules and starts illegal negotiations with the teams bitter rival.  The media does not roast him.  They roast the Packers.  They roast anyone who criticizes him.  He’s being picked on. Can we say:

Roll Models: What if?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on August 7, 2008 by tomwars

What if our role models didn’t roll out when we need them?

Where’s John Carlos and Tommie Smith when you need them?  Rather, where is their legacy? In 1968, John Carlos and Tommie Smith raised their fists in solidarity to bring light to the black civil rights movement in the United States.  They were stripped of their medals.  That night, in Mexico City, the world twisted slightly on it’s axis.  Two brothas, shook up the American government.  Two brothas, said FUCK those medals, this is for my people.  What if they took the medals and rolled?  What if they never made that statement?  Thank God we don’t live in that “What if.”

Today, black Olympians sit silent, waiting for an opportunity to wear a gold medal around their neck.  40 years later, as they walk the streets of Beijing with their medals blinging in the Chinese sun, they won’t be able to celebrate with a bottle of champagne at local bars since the Chinese government has “asked” store owners not to serve blacks.  According to an article in the South China Morning Post (7/18/08),

Bar owners near the Workers’ Stadium in central Beijing say they have been forced by Public Security Bureau officials to sign pledges agreeing not to let black people enter their premises.

“Uniformed Public Security Bureau officers came into the bar recently and told me not to serve black people or Mongolians,” said the co-owner of a western-style bar, who asked not to be named.

China is also notorious in it’s dealings with the Sudanese government.  Sudan’s petroleum exports are booming in a large part due to it’s dealings with China.  China consumes a large amount of Sudanese oil through Petrodar, a Chinese-Malaysian-United Arab Emirates oil partnership.  China demonstrated its leverage over Sudan, prevailing upon the regime to allow the African Union force in Darfur to be supplied with better equipment.  However, the Chinese government has taken no stance against the genocide in Darfur Sudan, though the United Nations condemns it.  Will black American athletes say anything during the Beijing games?

Joey Cheek, a white American gold medalist in speedskating, has taken a stance against the genocide.  He’s donated 25k to the cause, and asked his sponsors to do the same.  He is the founder of Team Darfur, a group of 70 athletes whose goal is to raise awareness about Darfur.  He was scheduled to go to the Beijing games to support some of his Team Darfur compadres, but the Chinese government revoked his visa.  Will any of the black athletes over there get their visas revoked? Or will they reach for that bling?

What if the black track runners, & field athletes decided to boycott the 2008 games because of the blatant racism China shows towards people of African decent?  What if Lebron, Kobe and the rest of Team USA basketball decided to boycott the 2008 games because of the blatant racism China shows towards people of African decent??  What if…